“Go to the ocean. Only a being so vast can hold the depth of this feeling.”
Fall is the time of supporting our lungs and large intestines in the practice of Traditional Chinese Medicine. The emotions held by lungs are grief and longing. This is the time where many traditions, like Samhain and Day of the Dead, consider the veil between us and our ancestors and loved ones who’ve passed on to be quite thin.
The longing is deep and real. The grief we feel also reverberates a deeper level of loss, as we continue let go of the year we had planned and expected. With less of Summer’s fire energy propelling us to take action or be distracted in busyness, we are more fully in our feelings. Our tears may run plentiful, and that is more than okay.
A good cry can almost always give relief to our spirits and bodies. For those of us getting acquainted with these deepening emotions, science can help you understand the why.
“It seems that crying onset is associated with an increase in sympathetic activity, and the resolution of crying may also be associated with increases in parasympathetic activity.” [1]
Translation - crying helps us to self-regulate. There is benefit to being able to release the full expression of our sorrows as we avoid being stuck in an emotion.
The act of shedding tears actually moves our nervous system from fight, flight, freeze to 'rest, digest and healing states. The deep shuddering breaths, the shaking of our bodies when we really let loose with sobbing, and chemicals that are produced and shed by tears, each play a powerful role in the act of letting go.
If crying doesn’t come naturally, perhaps explore your grief while in the shower - being near water can help. If you can find yourself near a great lake or ocean, take in the shores, the waves, and salty ocean air. Let yourself remember that you are made up mostly of water and it can hold you in your sadness.
And why move through this alone? As much as we might miss those who have moved on, the relationship still remains. Many of us have rituals and traditions to remember our loved ones. I often light a candle, place a photo or an object that reminds me of my parents next to it, then leave out a small plate of a favourite food and send them my love. It’s interesting to notice the feeling in the days ahead. Sometimes the grief is as profound and often there is room for more connection and belonging in holding their memory.
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[ 1]Lauren M. Bylsma, Asmir Gračanin, and Ad J. J. M. Vingerhoets. The neurobiology of human crying. Clin Auton Res. 2019 Feb; 29(1): 63–73.